Grade Five Student Runs For Grade Two President After Failed Election

Smith Falls Ont.

After being soundly defeated in his own class election, Paul Petit decided to run for class president of the school's grade two class on the platform of: protecting the students from the bullying he previously dolled out, cootie insurance (for those able to afford it), and improving their dodgeball team. When questioned as to what spurred this decision he noted that election results are "just people's feelings. You don't need to take them seriously if they're different than yours." This seemed like a soft landing spot and an easy way to return to student council where he'd maintain his benefits of free juice and cookies at the meetings. When asked what he hope to accomplish for his fellow students, he simply flexed and chanted "Put the cool back in school!" This was met with applause from several of the students, and derisive laughter from a number of his former classmates, many of whom swung by to listen to the debate. "It's almost as bad as his 'Action not Fractions' slogan," remarked Jessica Taylor. "It's one thing to impress a bunch of little kids, but we know better." Mr. Petit also ran on the platform that the curriculum should be addressed, but had little pragmatic reasoning for this or what specific changes were needed other than stating it was clearly biased. Should this bid prove unsuccessful, he plans to convince his younger cousin to abdicate his post as grade one class president and step in to "Give them the opportunity to elect a true leader, who can handle the responsibility, and won't hide from accountability." noting "It's not my fault those ungrateful jerks didn't trust me the first time."