Trump Administration to Introduce 'Running Man' Series to Expedite Executions

White House

As the war in Iran continues going about as well as, well anything, in the US right now, and President Trump's approval rating approaching his body fat percentage, he decided he needed to act fast to improve the nations morale With his lauded history in reality TV and ICE desperate to restore it's tarnished image before the midterms, the White Hose announced Monday that President Trump will offically introduce a verison of the Running Man set to debut on FOX.

Borrowing from the Srephen King book and subsequent film adaptations, it will combine America's love of violence with satiating Trumps love of attention and punishing all those who dare descent. Leftist 'radicles' will be brought brought to justice for having the nerve to practice their constuional rights, and compete in a “Scintillating showcase of what makes America great!”

ICE Agents will be the ones to hunt these do gooders in a cinematic spectacle, though the actual amount of running they'll have to do will vary given their MAGA inspired physique. They will of course be subject to the rigirous helalth standards put forth by health secretary RFK jr. and MAHA, once the president decides which fast food chain sponsorship to accept. Asked if taking American citizens and placing them squarely in harms way without due cause would have an impact on voters this fall, Trump noted "Only if we leave enough'.

FOX executives are positive the show can reach a wide auidence, as both left and right will have something to cheer for. "I mean, it's genius really! If there's anything that can bring America together, this is it!" said one, speaking off the record as they didn't want to be subject to the lottery which determines who may be selected for the porgram. Aside from setting a fundamental example of his not fascist agenda, it will also provide higer quality footage of ICE 'dealing' with American citizens than the usual cell phone footage we've become accustomed to.

When even his own (remaining) lawyers raised concers, reiteraed by reporters, Trump dodged them so swifty you'd have thought it was the draft. The program is set to debut this summer, but is subject to change, as the executive producers are Trump apointees and may or may not still be with the administration at said point.