Trump Entrusts Parker Brothers to Distribute Subsidy Checks

The man just keeps on giving. President Trump recently announced, given these trying financial times, saddled with ever rising costs, which have everything to do with the unlawful Democratic shut down, and nothing whatsoever with the trillions he's generated in tariffs, or skyrocketing helath care premiums, he wil be issuing rebate checks to help Americans cope with increasing financial strain.

This enviable task needed to have an equally respected brand attached, so what better place to start than with famed game company Parker Brothers. Known best for their hit games like Monopoly and Clue, though the President's more familiar with former, and in need of the later, they have been entrusted with the task of distributing these valubale, totally genuine checks. Financial institustions are already bracing for the intake, and are testing their paper shredders accordingly. They're rumoured to be gold in coulour, and branded with Trump's signature, which given his busy schedule, they conveniently copied off a birthday card to a certain former friend of the President's.

While the internet was swift in making a slew of Monopoly money jokes after the anouncement, the White House was quick to quash any concerns noting President Trump has never be affiliated with an unsuccessful gaming venture...outisde of his casinos. When pressed as to the value of this as legal tender, the administration spoke to prestige of the Parker Brothers Brand and suggested all those who question it are anti-American.

While it's true the deficit has risen greatly under the current administration, it's foolhardy to question the man who had somebody pen The Art of the Deal, and no doubt sending every American several thousand dollars will serve to lower it. After all, "You have to spend money to make money."