Trump Moves on to Redacting Names From Santa’s Naughty List

Washington DC.

Fresh off completing a process of the utmost national security, President Trump will have the FBI move on from redacting definitely not his name from the Epstein files, to removing it along with the names of his closest friends and family from Santa’s naughty list.

This is being done as the White House notes "To combat Santa's woke, socialist agenda of distributing free toys, and his arbirtary assesment of who has been naughty one nice, which is undoubtedly some sort of DEI measure." Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt also pointed out that "The President is far more familiar with the spirit of the season and Christian values than any saint." "Besides," she coninued, "Those toys aren't even American made, so we will certainly be considering implementing tariffs on them."

Despite his new found love of coal, President Trump is attempting to refrain from receiving anything non-gold plated in his stocking. As such, he was advised it be best not to charge Santa for the traditional milk and cookies, despite Stephen Miller's protests.

When asked for comment, a spokesperson from the North Pole said they were aware of his concerns, and assued the President that unlike his administration, Santa's decsions are merit based.